Long time huh??

Things have been crazy here.

That is a lie.

I have been crazy.

Remember how much I wanted to get rid of PajamaOther (aka PajamaPast)? I want him back.

He loved me and I want/need love.

Right now I need it badly.

PajamaPop is doing OK but his dependence on me is overwhelming at times - well most of the time.

Oh and someone broke in and stole all of my Mama's jewelry.

And vodka and I have become very, very close friends.

Pajamachick

Things are ok...

I am doing OK.
Not 100% but not crying either.
Actually, surprisingly well considering all.
It is rather an odd feeling.
PajamaChick

Oh what a tangled web we weave...

Yeah so the guy that I was kind of dating.
Definitely OVER.
Not because I don't like him, but because enough shit was talked and rumors were spread that it just isn't going to happen anymore.
I would like to be his friend, but yeah that is not going to happen either.
Life was so much better with PajamaMama around.

Disillusioned...

I am.
I can't keep paying for bills when I don't have the money.
I can't get a job because then I would be leaving PajamaPop at home.
The lies that they told about me at my old job are ridiculous.
Dating? Seriously, so much fucking work. I know that sounds awful and I should enjoy having a good time blah blah blah.
I don't.
I don't want to go through the motions.
Sounds pretty shitty doesn't it?
It is just too much today.

Where did all the men go?....

PajamaPast and I broke up and let me tell you that was a long time coming.
I started dating PajamaCrazy. We went out twice. Twice. He called and texted me everyday. I told him in April that I did not want a relationship. Finally, this morning (after three phone calls yesterday and two text messages) I told him that I didn't even want to be friends with him. He said "What? Why?" I literally wrote back "Because you smother me. And it is driving me crazy."
There is another guy that I have been seeing and it is unlike any other relationship I have ever been in. Why? Because there is NO future with this guy. None. It will NEVER happen. And guess what? I am OK with that. Really. I like him a lot and have a great time with him but I don't want to grow up and marry him. I would love to go on a vacation with him but do not want to live with him.
My life has become a serious of dates with my dad and the dog.
And right now?
I am cool with that.

Men....

I seriously don't know what to think.
I need some help here people and I am getting none.
The guy that I was seeing has decided that he doesn't, no won't, talk to me - which is fucking stupid and really, hasn't he heard that saying "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned."
I need a job.
I need some money.
I need some love - or at least consideration.
What do I get?
NADA.

Is it still over...

Are we still through?
Since my phone still ain't ringing I assume it still ain't you.

Seriously this may be the worst year of my life.
I lost my Mama.
I lost my job.
I lost my boyfriend.
I lost a guy I was seeing (a relationship which had no future but I still enjoyed).

I just want my life back.

The thing that really sucks about losing this guy that I was seeing is that it entertained me. There was no future there. I didn't want there to be a future there. But it kept my mind off of all the things that I am upset about - like Mama.

Now, I am dealing with all the pain for EVERYTHING because I have been so good at keeping myself busy with some guy that I kind of forgot how unhappy I am.